Sunday, January 15, 2012


I know it has been a while since I have written anything. Like I said before, I write when I am moved by a thought or feeling. Almost to the point where I need to get it out or I will feel as though I am going to explode. I don't mean to go on and on about what I have been through the past couple of years, but I almost have to because it has changed me so much as a person. So I feel like I should share that with others with the hope that it will change them as well.

This morning, waking up, so many things were going through my mind. Thoughts of friends, my family, my boyfriend, and my life as a whole. Just recently, I started working again which makes me feel amazing in so many ways. I know it sounds crazy, but lately I have felt so incredibly blessed with so many things in my life. My friends are probably the best friends in the entire world. Being my age and going through what I have, my friends were not prepared to go through something of that magnitude. I understand that. But they stepped up and did what they had to do as friends to make me feel as comfortable as possible because in reality, I didn't want to feel like I was different or that they had to give me special treatment just because of my situation. I don't think I could have asked for a better group of friends. They are my angels.

Now, my family. It makes me want to cry just thinking about them because they are the source of my strength. They have made me into the person I am today, and they did a pretty good job. The support of a family has got to be the most amazing thing to have. It makes me sad to think of those that do not have a good relationship with their family or feel as though they can not go to them for anything. Family is there to be your backbone when you feel like you can't make it on your own. They are always there encouraging me, guiding me in the right direction, and helping out with anything they can. My mother, father, and brother went through a lot seeing me sick in the hospital and sick at home. I feel so grateful to my family for being there for them at those times when they needed it the most. They are my angels.

My boyfriend. (I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him but he has become a big part of my life). He didn't just pop up out of nowhere. He was always there. We went to middle school and high school together. We never really hung out with the same crowd but it seems as though God put him on this Earth for me, to be there for me when I needed him. I had been sick for almost 2 years when he showed back up into my life. I was just in the middle of trying to be ok with the fact that it would be hard for me to find someone that was going to be ok with what I had been through and was still going through. And then there he was, totally ok with it, willing to be there for me through absolutely anything. Now, you can not tell me that he wasn't heaven sent. I was watching the movie A Walk to Remember the other night and it's about a girl who falls in love with someone totally unexpected but is also battling leukemia. Even though I have seen this movie numerous times, I had not seen it since I have been with my boyfriend. The story hit very, very close to home. She mentions at one point in the movie that maybe God had given her a plan much bigger that she could imagine. That maybe He sent the person she fell in love with to help her through a difficult time. To be her angel. Well, my boyfriend is my angel.

From what I have heard from my parents and from what I have gathered on my own, I was pretty close to not being part of this world anymore when I was in the hospital for that month a couple years ago. I was so out of it and not lucid the majority of the time, so I know for a fact that it was not me keeping me here. It was God and I am certain of that. When you have been that close to death, the first second that I got to truly live was the best moment of my life. How can I not celebrate life when I have so many angels around me! The biggest angel being my grandfather, who I know is definitely watching over me. From what I've been through, I have learned that when you want to do something, do it. When you want to go somewhere, go. When you want to change your life to become a better person, don't wait. And especially, when you want to tell someone you love them, do not hesitate. If I could go back and change the past couple of years, I would not. Everything happens for a reason. We are all put on this Earth for a  purpose, but we will not all be here forever. Celebrate life every day and be thankful for absolutely everything. It will change your life :)